Sunday, November 29, 2009

A Fun Quiz Thingy

I wasn't technically tagged for this little quiz and won't technically be tagging anyone else, but I thought it was cute and decided to use it. I've been thoroughly enjoying blogging lately. And P.S. today was much better than yesterday in case you were on the edge of your seat wondering.

Name someone with the same birthday as you:
Kare Winslet (another curvy lady like myself...hehe), Mario LeMieux (the hockey player guy), Bernie Mac (comedian), Karen Allen (actress), and Ray Kroc (founder of McDonald's)

Where was your first kiss?
Oh, this is a funny one. When I was about 6 years old, I kissed my little cousin Greg in my grandma's car. I decided we should kiss like the "movie stars" do, so I taught him to move his head from side to side like we were in the movies.

Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property?
Hell no. But I have done a lot of TPing and also once "forked" my high school teachers' lawn (her son helped).

Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?
Not really. But when I was pregnant and in a hormonal rage I threw a bottle of water at my husband. Hey, I'm not proud of it.

Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people?
Yes. Many, many times. I am a trained singer and actually surprised all of my co-workers at our big meeting in August by croaking out a couple ditties at the karaoke machine. LOL! I also used to sing in school when I was a kid.

What's the first thing you notice about your preferred sex?
Kindness in the eyes.

What really turns you off?
Lying and extreme cockiness.

What do you order at Starbucks?
Decaf soy latte.

What is your biggest mistake?
Marrying my high school sweetheart when I knew I wasn't in love with him, and subsequently breaking his heart 4 years later. I wouldn't change it because it brought both of us where we are today - with happy families and a gained wisdom. But it was a big mistake that hurt someone.

Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?
Yes. Not badly, though.

Say something totally random about yourself:
I like people with accents. Brenda, if we met in person I would think you were brilliant just because you probably sound like it. I also secretly want to be British.

Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
I've been told I look like Linda Hamilton from The Terminator. I don't see it. I easily outweigh her by 30 lbs, ok 40. And I have never been, nor will ever be as buff. Ok, probably 50 lbs...damn those Hollywood chicks are skinny bitches.

Do you still watch kiddie movies or TV shows?
I watch a lot of kiddie movies living with a 2 year old. BUT, every night I watch the Golden Girls on DVD. Yes, every night. What can I say, Bea Arthur is my idol.

Did you have braces?
Nope, and I have perfectly straight teeth. I got lucky.

Are you comfortable with your height?
Yep, not short and not really tall, though I lean toward tall. I'm about 5' 7".

What is the most romantic thing someone of the preferred sex has done for you?
Hell, I dunno. I'm not much of a romantic. I guess when my hubby proposed on the beach. That was pretty cool.

When do you know it's love?
I can't tell you but it lasts forever. :)

Do you speak any other languages?
Pig Latin

Have you ever been to tanning salon?
When I was a kid I went before my trip to Hawaii. I would never do it now. I despise the sun and do not like tanning. Perhaps the family history of skin cancer is a factor.

Have you ever ridden in a limo?
Once. After I played a gig with my old band on St. Patty's day. That was about 7-8 years ago. Ahh, those were the days.

What's something that really annoys you?
People who are negative all the time.
Aggressive drivers.
The TP never seeming to make it on the roll in my house. (Hubby, you know you're guilty)

What's something you really like?
reading, cooking, chocolate, Mackinac Island, Christmas and pajamas

Can you dance?
I can cut a rug.

Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room?
Nope, thankfully. Though I was close last Sunday!

Saturday, November 28, 2009

The Do-Over Day

When I was a kid, my grandmother used to tell me there would come a day that I really wanted to do something, go somewhere, have some fun and my child would screw it up for me.

She said to me, "Honey, you will be conflicted because your child will be acting so naughty and you have to tell them you can't do this thing that you also want. And that is what's called being consistent with your child. No matter how much you want it, you must deny yourself to teach a lesson to that child."

Today was that day.

This morning the hubs and I awoke with a glow and excitement for the day. We planned to get ready early and head out to the Henry Ford Museum. We told Bam-Bam we'd be going to look at the big choo-choo's and the cars and a plane. We were all ready to go. Wearing our coats. He was all excited. Then he decided to have a total shit-fit, meltdown, the likes of which we have never seen.

I warned him.

"If you keep it up we cannot go see the choo-choo's"

And you know what, guys. He kept it up. I had to follow through.

But goddamn it! I wanted to go see the frickin' choo-choo's!!!!!

Today was my day of reckoning.

The day basically spiraled out of control from there. The first tantrum when I shut down the choo-choo trip lasted approximatley one hour. Bam-Bam then proceeded to have no less than 3 more tantrums throughout the day. It was horrid. Seriously, he is so lucky it is 2009 and no one in this house would dream of cutting a switch like the aforementioned dear, lovely grandmother would have. We're talking an old Southern woman with substantial hips and thick upper arms made for pulling plows and shit.

What made it even more fun was that hubby was in a nice funk as a result and acting annoying. It did not feel very partner-y around here. So I basically felt like I was the only adult in the house. Nice.

So a day that began with hopes of getting out and enjoying a lovely Saturday ended up being a huge bust with all of us at each others throats in this damn house all day.

By evening, hubby and I had worked out our feelings and thoughts, talked some stuff out and we were feeling better. Of course, then the day was pretty much over.

Luckily the evening ended well. Bam-Bam decided to do a nice, high-arcing pee-pee (mostly) in the potty! YAY! Then hubby had a great idea to go to the local Christmas lightfest which is 4.5 miles of beautiful lights only a mile away from our house. It was a hit. Bam-Bam absolutely loved it. He smiled and held my hand and talked and talked through the whole 4.5 miles. It was a really special time together. We came home, he took his slippers off without being asked and sat in my lap to read The Grinch for the hundredth time (already) this season.

And now he is sleeping.

Hot damn - I'm gonna watch some Golden Girls!

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Crabby Pants Off...Thankful Pants On

:::Deep breath:::

I'm better know. Thanks for letting me get that out yesterday. I was feeling tres melancholy. Now I am just feeling happy, full, and thankful.

Here's a random list of things on my thankful little mind:

1) I am so happy to be feeling better today. I'm still not 100% but I can eat and I have a bit more energy and not as much crud clogging up my head. I say that is a good thing. I felt well enough to cook much of our Thanksgiving feast today. I made my homemade, world-famous dressing in the crock pot this morning. C'est magnifique! And I also made cauliflower casserole, green bean casserole, dinner rolls and sliced the jellied cranberry sauce. Hubby made the mashed potatoes. No turkey. We're not big meat fans and we had no time to defrost a bird anyway. Anyhoo, it was exhausting to make but gratifying. I love cooking for my boys.

2) Have I mentioned that my dog is the best rescue dog on the entire planet. She is so sweet and loving. She lays next to me and puts her big head on my lap. She sat with me during much of my quarantine. I'm so happy that we adopted her. What a smart thing we did.

3) I'm getting out the Christmas decorations. Look out, people! This house is going to be jammed with holiday cheer. We have 5 trees, in all shapes and sizes. The tallest is 6.5 feet, the smallest is about 2.5 feet. We even have a white one. I love Christmas. I used to hate it before my son was born. I love it now. I get to remake memories. Christmas as a kid was never fun. But now it is what I make it. And I LOVE Clark W. Griswold love it.

4) My Aunt called me today from Tennessee and it really touched me. She told me she plans to get a computer so it is easier to stay in touch. She cried because she said she knew what we'd been going through the last few weeks and it hurt her heart to know what we must be going through. It made my heart feel good that she decided to reach out and let me know that she cared. She told me my grandma is really slowing down and we should come to visit. We can stay with her. I know she told me that because she knows I don't want to stay with my mom. I really appreciated her telling me that without me having to ask.

5) Today I have a renewed sense of faith in humanity. Could have something to do with not feeling like I'm going to croak (i.e. no more swine flu).

I'm so tremendously thankful for all the good things in my life. I'm even thankful for the bad stuff because it makes the good stuff even better.

Happy Thanksgiving, friends!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

What's With People?

I have my crabby pants on. And you guys know I have been under quarantine with this flu for quite a while so it is only making it worse. Warning: Pity Party begins now.

So my question is - What the hell is wrong with people?


We have close friends and family who live in this area. We have been struggling like mad in the last two weeks. Do you think anyone actually comes out of the woodwork to do anything? To help? Maybe make some food for us? Drop off some magazines? How about a phone call to check on us? Hell no. Not even that.

Oh sure, we've had the occasional, "tell me if you need anything..." (mostly via facebook) but you know what, who's going to do that? Really and truly. Why can't people take the bull by the horns and just help a person in need without having to be asked?

The honest truth is that it just doesn't happen. People are too wrapped up in their own boring lives to think about anyone else. They don't reach out. They really don't.

A few weeks ago an acquaintance that I work with was down with H1N1. She has a husband at home who is a quadriplegic. She's definitely a person that needs help. I said to a few co-workers, "we should do something for her, send her some food..." The response was the same for everyone, "Yeah, we should." and then they just went on as if nothing was ever said. So I spoke up and said, "Wait, let's really do something for her. Let's not just talk about it but let's do it." And because I bugged the crap out of everyone to do something like that she received a care package of food from us.

And I'm not trying to say I'm so great and everyone else sucks. But it occurs to me that no one would have reached out to this person had I not decided that it needed to happen. Sure, they would have talked about it. But no one would have taken action.

Do I need food on my doorstep? Maybe. Especially considering that it is Thanksgiving tomorrow and we cannot leave the house. But do you think that ANYONE has offered to bring a plate over for my husband and son? His own sister's reaction to the fact that we couldn't come to Thanksgiving dinner and were stuck alone in our house for the 6th day in a row? "Oh, that sucks." That's it. Not, "I'm bringing you guys some food." Nothing.

So my husband is at Kroger right now buying Thanksgiving dinner. He's going to make it himself. For us. After spending the last week caring for me and my son around the clock. I guess I just feel like it's not fair. And I feel angry and hurt that no one seems to care. And I know we are good people that deserve better than this.

Am I asking all of you out there who read this to come to my rescue? Absolutely not. This is truly just a rant post, ok? I just don't understand what has happened in this world to make people so apathetic towards people who are in need....particularly when those people are family.

This is an on-going problem in my life, though. Probably the biggest flaw that I have is that I have huge expectations of other people and get myself hurt a lot because they just don't live up to them. I've tried to learn how to be better about it but it's times like these that my high expectations catch up with me.

And if you send a turkey to my house after reading this, I will kick your ass.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

To Vaccinate or Not to Vaccinate

Originally in this house we were way against the H1N1 vaccine. I read a lot of frightening things about what it could do to a person. And no matter what side of the debate a person is on, it's a tough decision. But here I sit as a person that is likely in the throes of H1N1 and I say that even if I had not changed my mind a few weeks ago about the vaccine and whether or not it was a good idea, having this would have changed my mind for me. The day that my husband and I were supposed to have our vaccine was the day little Bam-Bam went to the ER with seizures. And also quite possibly the day I picked up the virus. With my son it is more complicated. He has an egg allergy and cannot have any flu shots. With research I discovered that his allergist can administer the shot under supervision with a pre-test and post-test. A long process, but to me it is worth it. Unfortunately I have to wait for the allergists office to have the shot available, which is why hubby and I intended to have the vaccine ourselves.

I've done a ton of research to come to this conclusion about the vaccine. I'm a firm believer in being very informed. I wont bore all of you with the details of what I learned through my research, except that I concluded that it was less of a risk to have the vaccine than to not. I received an email from my adorable almost-84 year old grandmother yesterday in which she said the following:

I have always been in favor of the vaccines that have been tested and approved by the FDA. Perhaps that is because i remember walking as a group with my schoolmates and teacher to the funeral of one of us who had died of diptheria. Elnora and I had whooping cough ; and it is as a result of that fearsome disease that Elnora has that wide scar on her face today...she had a scratch that couldn't heal because it broke open and bled from her coughing spells. We and our brothers also survived measles and mumps , though we were spared smallpox because there was a vaccination for that. Typhoid fever was avoided by the insertion of some kind of disinfectant in the drinking water at homes and schoolhouses. It tasted awful. My double cousin Douglas survived polio, though he had to wear a built-up shoe the rest of his life because of a degree of paralysis that affected him. In his later adult life, he had a secondary attack that was common but unexpected. That probably led to an earlier death than might have been expected inasmuch as the rest of us in this generation are pretty much still kicking around. He was the only one who would have been older than I.

Just another thing that confirmed for me the importance of vaccines. Now, I definitely don't believe in blindly following the exact schedule. For example, all of Bam-Bam's vaccines are administered one at a time and we have refused some that we do not believe to be necessary. I believe being an informed parent and patient is absolutely vital.

I know that we all don't agree on this particular point, but for me and for my family this was an important decision. We didn't make it lightly and we didn't make it with emotion, but rather with information. I think it's important for any of you making this decision to remember that information, no matter which side you choose, is important.

Ok, so I'm back on my soap box. Must be feeling better. XO

Monday, November 23, 2009

There Has to Be a Lesson In All This....

....I just haven't figured out what it is yet. And maybe I was just so smug about how very positive I was going to be...maybe it was the Universe (ie God) saying, "Oh yeah? Let's see how you handle this one."

Ok,maybe not.

What I do know is that this is hard.

The hardest part about being sick right now isn't even necessarily about the way that I feel physically. It's more about the way I feel mentally. I'm stuck in my bedroom with my fluids, my phone, my Kindle, the computer and my thoughts. And I'm listening to my hubby and my sweet little boy in the next room. And I can't be there with them (except for a few minutes while wearing a mask). I don't want them to get sick so this is the sacrifice that I have to make. So I can't be with them. Touch them. Hug them. Play. It's really, really hard. I haven't really been able to give my baby the kind of affection that I usually do because I don't want to infect him. It's really bothersome. I know he misses me, too.

It's amazing what the flu can do. I was in the ER last night with the most horrible headache and nausea that I have ever had. Horrible. And I get migraines. I had to get fluids and drugs and such. Today I am in an drug-induced stupor. So that helps me feel better but I am still really weak and tired. For the record, I don't know for sure that it is the swine flu. They never tested me and I never asked them to. According to the CDC web site, I am past the point of testing anyway. They have to test you within 48 hours of the symptoms. And really, what does it matter either way? What really matters is that it is totally kicking my ass right now.

But I plan to win this battle. As if there was any doubt.

And I'm still looking for the lesson. Patience, maybe? This is certainly taking a long time to clear up. I don't feel like it will be clearing any time soon. And I swear I always steer clear of praying for patience for this very reason. Well, also because I don't have much of it. But maybe it's just something that I have to learn.

And I ramble. The ramblings of a drugged and ailing person. I'll be better soon. Still trying hard to be positive.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Sick and Tired

Pretty sure I have H1N1 right now. A lovely way to spend this weekend after spending last weeked with a baby having seizures. I must admit that my "positive" is beginning to waver at the moment. Fortunately, Bam-Bam and hubby have not gotten this sickness (which started for me on Thursday afternoon). So that's positive.

And I also have a big, warm dog to keep me company. That's good too. She is right next to me as I am quarantined in my bedroom listening to my boy and his daddy chit chat and sing the Wonder Pets theme song.

Also, at least this happened before Thanksgiving so hopefully I will be better in time to cram some food in my pie hole. And since I've eaten nothing but cream of wheat and bread in the last two days, it should be very delicious indeed.

Just wish I could sleep well. I haven't been able to because my body aches too much. And my head - ugh! So want it to stop hurting. I know it could be worse.

Damn, hubby just took the dog out. Alone again.


Tuesday, November 17, 2009

How Can I Be So Calm?

Yesterday I spoke with the lovely nun that runs the day care where Bam-Bam goes. She knows about his various issues - severe allergies, asthma, now epilepsy (we saw the neurologist and confirmed the diagnosis). Anyway, she said to me, "I don't know how you do it. How do you stay so calm when your child has so many problems?" Sister isn't known for having much of a filter. She just kind of blurts things out. It's actually a quality that endears her to me in a weird way. Perhaps I can relate.

So, my response?

We have to keep living life. The world doesn't stop turning because my son has some childhood maladies. And that is how we see them. I know (because I have hope) that eventually he will grow out of all or most of this and will be a perfectly normal person when he grows up. Maybe just a grown up guy that can't eat nuts. How can I get all freaked out over things that, in the grand scheme, are really minor? Yes, it is scary that he could eat food that could make his throat close up and go in to anaphylactic shock. Yes, he could have a bad seizure and hit his head. But then again, he might not. We can't stop the world. He can't miss out on childhood experiences just because of what "might" happen. That could be true for anyone and life is just too short for that. So maybe I cottle him a little at times. And maybe that is because in the back of my mind I am trying to make up for something that he might be missing because he has these strange idiosyncrasies. So what?

What about the kids who have cancer? Or cystic fibrosis? Or brain tumors? They truly don't get to have "normal" the way that Bam-Bam can. I am so thankful that allergies and seizures and such are ALL we have to deal with. This we can handle.

And we will. Thanks to all of you for your love and support.

Saturday, November 14, 2009


Last night Bam-Bam woke up with a shrill scream. My husband rushed into his room only to find him covered in vomit. I quickly followed and snatched him up to cuddle him, took him into the bathroom and gave both of us a bath and put us both in clean pajamas. Bam-Bam threw up once more and was finally back to sleep within a couple of hours. I figured - stomach flu - no problem. We've been through this. The morning was typical. B wasn't very hungry and wanted to watch cartoons and mostly just drink water. He was pretty much himself except for not having much appetite.

Suddenly everything changed. I was on the computer, probably doing something dumb like checking Facebook. Out of the corner of my eye, Bam-Bam literally dropped like a brick. I looked over and he was flat on his back looking stunned. He got up and carried on seemingly for an hour. He was screaming and grabbing his head. I didn't even really understand what was happening. I thought maybe he slipped on the floor and bumped his head, though my instinct told me that wasn't right. No, he had just crumbled to the floor in one fell swoop. I may not have had my eyes right on him, but I know what my peripheral vision witnessed.

Within a few minutes he seemed to calm down. Then it happened. I was holding him in my lap and he just started to twitch. 3-4 twitches was all he did but his behavior after the fact was bizarre. He wasn't himself. Bam-Bam was not there. He was lethargic and quiet and just weird. I thought, ok - don't over react. He probably has the chills because maybe he is sick. Took the temp - 99.2 - not really high enough to make someone that shivery. Still, I was in denial. I called the doctor and asked if we could bring him by because he wasn't "himself" and had a low grade fever.

I started to get ready to go to the doc while Hubby distracted B with a YouTube fish movie on my computer. Then Hubby yells to me - "Let's go, we're going to the hospital NOW!" My husband is a pretty calm guy. He is not an alarmist at all. He was freaked. I dashed out of the bedroom and asked what happened. He said that as B watched the video he suddenly fell to the side, limply and jerked. Same vacant look in his eye.


I grabbed my bag and didn't even take time to look for my glasses. We were out the door to the hospital. We got right in at the ER, which was a huge relief. As soon as we got to the back and started telling the nurse what happened, she was quick to dismiss his "tremors" as chills. I tried to tell her that it didn't seem like chills. My husband and I both described what we saw. She still acted like it was no big deal and that we shouldn't worry. I thought to myself, " well, maybe we are getting a little carried away here." All the while my gut told me different.

No surprise that the doc came in and said the same thing. The flu, nothing to worry about, probably chills, kids fall down all the time, we've seen tons of cases like this with the swine flu going around, blah, blah, blah....

So they give us some water and some juice and a little dissolving pill for nausea and say as long as he doesn't barf in the next 15 minutes after drinking something we are free to go. Hubby and I are both feeling somewhat relieved, though both of us have this nagging feeling that something is amiss.

The doc comes back and is chatting with us about the discharge, give the kid the Tamiflu, watch him for diarrhea, etc...then B starts up again. He has the tremors right in front of the doctor. The doctors eyes become saucers. He says to me, "is this what has been happening?" I told him, "yes, exactly....what do you think?"

This doctor is clearly freaking at this point. Clearly.

He starts rubbing his head, saying "Hmmmm..." a lot, "I'm not sure..."

Finally he tells us - I'm cancelling the discharge and ordering a CT scan. SHIT, again.

Talk about scary as hell. Ever try to hold down a 2 year old while he's being strapped into a CT scan apparatus? How about trying to do it while the child screams, "I need help!" the entire time. Heartbreaking. I was an absolute mess yet trying to pull it together to keep B from being too scared.

Here's the crazy part. The CT scan came back clear. So, we were of course happy that he didn't have a brain tumor. The ER doc told us at this point that there was nothing more he could do. The CT scan was only one test in a battery that probably should be run and, oh by the way, follow up with your regular doc who can refer a neurologist next week. Oh, and by the way, I'm pretty sure it's not seizures, but it's not the chills either so that is your best bet. See ya later, don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out...


Seriously? Now, not that I wanted my kid in the hospital any longer than he had to be but what am I supposed to do in the meantime? So here I sit waiting. When we got home, I called my Aunt who has a kid who had epilepsy when he was little. His symptoms were so similar to B's. I know that if that is what it is it can be treated...but I'm really just terrified of my baby having to go through all of these inevitable tests.

For those of you who pray - please pray. If you don't and can send some positive thoughts - please do that. We'll take whatever you have. I will keep everyone posted on what happens. Hoping for something simple and easy to treat.