....I just haven't figured out what it is yet. And maybe I was just so smug about how very positive I was going to be...maybe it was the Universe (ie God) saying, "Oh yeah? Let's see how you handle this one."
What I do know is that this is hard.
The hardest part about being sick right now isn't even necessarily about the way that I feel physically. It's more about the way I feel mentally. I'm stuck in my bedroom with my fluids, my phone, my Kindle, the computer and my thoughts. And I'm listening to my hubby and my sweet little boy in the next room. And I can't be there with them (except for a few minutes while wearing a mask). I don't want them to get sick so this is the sacrifice that I have to make. So I can't be with them. Touch them. Hug them. Play. It's really, really hard. I haven't really been able to give my baby the kind of affection that I usually do because I don't want to infect him. It's really bothersome. I know he misses me, too.
It's amazing what the flu can do. I was in the ER last night with the most horrible headache and nausea that I have ever had. Horrible. And I get migraines. I had to get fluids and drugs and such. Today I am in an drug-induced stupor. So that helps me feel better but I am still really weak and tired. For the record, I don't know for sure that it is the swine flu. They never tested me and I never asked them to. According to the CDC web site, I am past the point of testing anyway. They have to test you within 48 hours of the symptoms. And really, what does it matter either way? What really matters is that it is totally kicking my ass right now.
But I plan to win this battle. As if there was any doubt.
And I'm still looking for the lesson. Patience, maybe? This is certainly taking a long time to clear up. I don't feel like it will be clearing any time soon. And I swear I always steer clear of praying for patience for this very reason. Well, also because I don't have much of it. But maybe it's just something that I have to learn.
And I ramble. The ramblings of a drugged and ailing person. I'll be better soon. Still trying hard to be positive.
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