Sunday, January 3, 2010

Sometimes I Think I'm the Crappiest Mom Ever

Do you guys have those times where you are on top of the world and it feels like everything is falling into place? Thing with your kids are working relatively have it under control....

And then...

It all goes to hell in a handbasket. In my case, I believe this is the Universe's way of telling me that I am not all that and a bag o' chips. I am probably just the crumbs in the bottom of the chips bag.

I have these times as a mom where I just feel like I am mentally retarded (no offense to anyone who actually is mentally retarded or challenged or whatever it is they are calling it these days). I truly think, though, that I am a complete dumbass when it comes to parenting at times. And I honestly do not understand how dumb people raise children without totally losing their minds. I mean, really, kids should come with a manual.

As you may recall, my son (Bam-Bam) is 2.5 years old. Which basically means that he is clinically insane and bi-polar. And I think he may actually be going through menopause. He's out of his goddamn mind. One minute he loved going pee-pee in the toilet. The next minute he is dragging his feet, pretending he doesn't hear me asking him to go potty. Then he just wants to do it with Daddy. Then he just wants to stand there and say, "No like it." All the while, of course, I have to remain calm and not pressure him - lest I totally f it all up and bring him back to square one. Which is very hard for me because I have the patience of a gnat.

Then we have the - now I think I'll have a meltdown at the store every stinkin' time we go - thing. Yeah. Yesterday we went to the mall. He did NOT want to walk inside and hold hands. No. He wanted Mommy or Daddy to hold him. Um, ok dude, you weigh 32 lbs and I have a bad back. Ain't no damn way I am carrying your little ass through the whole store. So, I tried to "prepare" him like all those useless piece of shit parenting books say. "Bam-Bam, when we get to the store you have to walk like a big boy and hold hands with Mommy." He agrees. Naturally. We get there and it is goddamn World War III. Right in the vestibule of JC Penney's. Lovely. But wait. It gets better. He eventually got over it yesterday and we went on to have a fun time at the mall. Today we went back to get shams for our new quilt (it's totally cute and a new look for our room...but I digress) and Damian (aka Bam-Bam) had yet another shit fit in the JC Penney's vestibule. This time we were in no mood for this crap. People were staring. And while those people can all suck it because they are not in my shoes, it's still embarrassing. We were "those parents" with "that kid". Happens to the best of us. Especially when the kid grows horns at a tail at approximately 18-20 months of age. We warned him that we would turn around and go home if he did not stop his behavior. He didn't stop. We left and went home. He was flabbergasted.

Anyway, this is all just grinding on me. I'm doing what I think are all the right things. It works for a while and then the little demon changes it up on me. He changes the rules. UGH! Why can't he just stay consistent. I suppose I will be asking this question for the rest of my life.

So, all you veteran parents out there - I am not too proud to ask for your help. What are some things that work for you? Or can you share a similar story so I don't feel like a complete asshole? Any insights, anecdotes, jokes, solidarity....anything. Help me not feel like a totally suck.


  1. Oh, geez... I wish I had some advice, but I'm clueless. You know me, though -- I'll pray for you. What I don't comprehend is how/why some people (e.g. my parents) have the balls to have four, five, even six kids. How is that sane? LOL All I know is that you're not the only one. I see it all the time, I hear it all the time, and my friends/family tell me the same stories. All that matters is that you do your best, and that you love the little guy. No one is perfect, and certainly no one's kid is perfect. I think you did the right thing by calling his bluff and taking him home. I'm guessing this is the stage when the toddler "tests his boundaries?" {shudder} Just when I think I'd enjoy it, I realize that my patience is about a 1/100 of a gnat, and I'd be a heck of a lot worse than you. Good luck! I hope you get some great advice. I'm just an innocent bystander taking notes... =)

  2. Funny. I mean Ha-Ha funny! This too shall pass. My son flooded the urinals in pre-school and bashed his teacher's cake given to her by another student. He's now 9 1/2 and a sport's rock-star (if you consider junior tackle football worthy of that title). You don't suck as a mom... kids, or toddlers just suck sometimes. It's cliche but I'm going to throw it out there, "It's just a phase." At least your have a sense of humor!

  3. Damian!'re still hilair even when your 99.9% batshitcrazy. Sorry I didn't mean to laugh but that was funny.

    My advice "don't get out of the house" at least until after Bam-Bam passes his driving test. Tehehe...

    Seriously though, have you tried eliminating gluten from his diet? Another blogger friend had a *ahem* hell child an after going through the gluten test and all, there was a significant change in her daughter's super cheeky behaviour! Maybe get that a try?

    And ooh, lotsa hugs to you my friend.

  4. Sorry for the typos, freaking predictive text on this stoopid iPhone.

  5. I say this as the mother of a 9-month-old girl, but mean it with all the naive earnestness I have in me: It's not you. It's him.


  6. Generally when my kids try that whole screaming tantrum on the floor thing, I just head right on into the stoor without them cause they are scared to be left alone, they at least have to get up off the floor and follow me in. I still have to listen to the whining but he is whining in an upright position and on his own steam. The leaving the store and returning home thing would also work, if I didn't want to accomplish anything that day. :)

  7. Honey...all I can say is...that's nothing! My only advice is any embarrassment that you feel has got to go. It just makes it more difficult for you. Those looks that people give: they are either nice people who know what you're going through or ignorant people who just don't know. There was a lady at church who would give me a "look". She finally came over one day and told me that she'd been praying for us. You just never know about people or your kid! Seriously, if Bam-Bam always has a fit at JCP, then consider some kind of sensory overload might be present there. Just a thought. Hang in there!

  8. Thanks all for the tips and love and humor. We are thinking that BB just needs a little time to warm up to going into the store on his own. We're going to try carrying him in and then putting him down once we're there a few minutes and he is feeling more secure. I'm pretty sure he won't need to be held when he's 16. If so, that's a whole other ball of wax. This too shall pass. I am over it now. And trying not to over think it all. XO

  9. Not to worry, Mommy X, this too shall pass. You mention in your laterpost that your son is very independent. I am also the mother of a fiercely independent son. When he was 16 months old, I swore that his attitude must be the result of teething. I said that for 4 months..... He's now 6 1/2. I was the mom that was hesitant to take her toddler out in public, and I used to pray fervently before playdates that there wouldn't be an "incident". He is still fiercely independent, but can control his behavior appropriately now (most of the time ;)).
    I've made it through the "terrible twos" with two kids and have one to go. Every mother has been there at least once. Unless her children are aliens.

  10. I'm a nanny, not a mom, but I just want to say kudos to actually following through & leaving! Best thing you could've done, in my opinion, although I'm sure it was tough.