Monday, January 4, 2010

Things I Love About Being His Mom...Even Though He Drives Me Nuts

I am happy to report that my temporary insanity in my last post about Bam-Bam's crazy terrible two-ness is now over. No, the "Terrible Two's" are not guilt-ridden anxiety roller coaster has stopped...for now. I feel that perhaps in a moment of mental-momminess I have misrepresented my sweet little boy a tad. And I feel kind of bad for comparing him to the devil and Damian, etc (though it is the way I was feeling in the moment.) Yes - he is insane in the terrible two sense. Yes - he has his moments of going completely berserk. And when those moments occur one after another, I find myself questioning my abilities as a mother. And I kind of wonder if other mom's do the same thing, which I have a hunch they do. Or at least I hope so or else I am a complete loser. I start to think I am inept (i.e. the crumbs in the bottom of the chips bag).

BUT - I will also say that Bam-Bam for the most part is a darling little boy and a total pleasure to be with. Most of the time. Here are some things about my darling that are special and wonderful and things I love about being his mommy:

1) He is the most affectionate and sweet little sucker on the planet. Kisses, hugs and "I Wuv Oo, Mama!" ALL the time. Oh, and this just melts my heart right down to the ooey gooey center.

2) He is stubborn and I like that he is stubborn. Yeah, stubborn in the vestibule at JC Penneys can be a little frustrating. But I am glad that he is a little guy who knows what he wants. He has a strength to his personality that I like. I think later in life it will be good for him. Just now, it's a bit of a pain in the ass for us at times.

3) He is incredibly bright. He can count to ten, he knows all of his colors, he can go through a book of animals and tell me what things are that I never realized he even knew like owl or lizard or penguin or jellyfish.

4) He's doing a great job trying to be a big boy with the potty and wore underwear for the first time today. I cannot believe my baby boy wore underwear! It was Ming-Ming in Wonder Pets. He was so proud. Yeah, he wizzed in his pants a couple of times today but he also stayed dry in long stretches, too. So for that, we celebrate.

5) He is very polite. He says please, thank-you, sorry, bless you and excuse me.

6) Oh, and he also loves to point out when he and others fart (especially the dog.) It's hilarious. Yes, in this house we just love the bathroom humor. A good balance for all that politeness.

So, what is my point? I'm not trying to prove that I'm not a totally inept mother. In reality, I know that I am actually quite good at being a mom. I really do. But I'm also insecure. So, I guess what I'm saying is that I think it's ok to be insecure. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with me or with him. It just means I'm living life and learning every day. I just want to be the best mom I can be, which sometimes gets me in a tizzy.

I may have mentioned before the story of when the hubby and I decided to have Bam-Bam but I think it bears repeating. I vividly remember our conversation. We went to Red Robin for dinner after work one summer evening more than 3 years ago now. I had been thinking for a while that I wanted to have a baby, which was something that I never thought I would really want to do. You see, my own childhood sucked and I was afraid of being a bad mom like my own. But something told me that being a bad mom is a choice and I could choose to give it my all, or go the way that my mom did. Anyway, that night at Red Robin, after having spent almost a decade with my beloved already and well into our 30's, I looked across the table to my hubby and said, "You know, I'm getting pretty bored with our life. Let's have a baby." Then and there we agreed to start trying for Bam-Bam...and it only took two months.

I'm not bored anymore. But you know what, it is a very good "not bored"'s a total roller coaster but I wouldn't change it for the world.


  1. That's awesome. Parenthood is definitely a cycle with the kids. Today for instance the six year old was a total demon and the four year old was angel boy. This can change at any moment so I try to ewnjoy the niceness while it lasts.

  2. Awww...that made me teary. And YOU are doing a great job! Don't you ever forget that! XOX

  3. It's a rollercoaster alright! Wait until high school drama starts. :)

  4. Honey, you are trying so hard that it nearly breaks my heart in two. You are a great mom. Only GREAT moms worry about whether or not they suck; the truly sucky moms aren't that introspective. :-)

  5. We go through our ups and downs as parents, but in the end it's so worth it!

    Your Bam and my Brooklyn sound a lot alike:)

    Hugs and Mocha,

  6. This post was honestly just what I needed to read today. I feel like I am a bad mom most days. I have a 4 year old gifted child who is really challenging most days, and I find myself not really liking who he is sometimes, and not liking myself even worse for feeling that way... it's nice to know that not everyone feels like they are a perfect mother and has difficulties with it all. I need to sit back and reflect on what I love about my little guy now too...

  7. You are a great mum ( sorry from NZ can't get my head around MOM). My youngest is now 17 and my oldest bio child is 26 ( oldest sdtep is 32!!) makes me feel incredibly old. Anywaay my point is we all have days where we feel we are the worst mum in the world. I constantly tell my kids I'm a white trash mother and proud. I swear I rant I rave but the bottom line is I love my kids and they know it and they love me too and aren't afraid to say it. ( I have 3 boys and 4 step girls). Dole out buckets of love at every opportunity, admit when you make a mistake and keep on doing the best job you can and it will all work out fine, xx

  8. I loved 6) ... made me laugh out loud because one of my girls is the exact same way.

    I haven't yet read your previous post and I don't know if I should. This was a very beautiful post.

  9. Ming Ming underwear rulz. Also, like they say with tests in school, if you're nervous about it, you'll do better than if you're relaxed. Parenting is a test. I'm sure no parent would ever argue that one. So, keep on rockin.

  10. This was great . . . one of the reasons I so admire you as a mom and a writer . . . (p.s., I passed on an award to you here.

  11. WOW- we've been going through the same thing.. but I hate to tell you that it gets worse. Much worse. Well, it did in our case... the terrible twos were CAKE compared to the almost three's. We call him the Gremlin. I hope that for your sake little Bam Bam gets it all out of his system now! It's so frustrating and emotionally draining (for both parties)... I wish I had some words of advise. Usually I just hold my boy and tell him I love him. That sometimes helps :)

    Happy New Year!! I'm really looking forward to keeping up with you this year :) xx