Barrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrf!

This post is something of a barf-o-rama. I think my friend Jen (aka. Huckdoll) likes to call it Thought Vomit. So let the purging begin. Trying to get it all out bile and all. Hot. Ok, maybe I should start over. Nah...let's keep going. My thoughts in no particular order:

Numero Uno: I have a cold for the third time in the last three months. Seriously, what the hell is up with this? Hey, at least this time it doesn't coincide with a major holiday. But for real, why does this keep happening? This is the worst I've had it in quite some time. Went 5 years without a cold before Bam-Bam was born. Oh well, better me than him. So far he remains perfectly healthy (save for the drippy boogers that he almost always has). So for this I am grateful.

Dos: I have decided that I am the crazy one. You know how you find yourself often exclaiming that someone is so crazy? Or why in the hell would she do that? Or why did she say that? etc, etc. I have decided that it's me. And it's you. We're all crazy. Or more accurately, we just don't have the perspective to see things from others point of view. So, really, you're crazy. No, I'm crazy. No, we're all crazy. And we all need to just take a chill pill and try to understand each other more. Could this make less sense? You philosophers out there will see this clearly. The rest of you - good luck.

Tres: To somewhat go along with the previous point, I have decided that it is total bullshit to judge other parents. I mean, unless you are that lady in Georgia who made her 12 year old kid kill his pet hamster with a hammer because he got bad grades, I ain't judging you. And no, I did not make that up. There are some very fucked up people out there and unfortunately you don't need any sort of skills or licensing to have a child - just the organs. Pity. I mean, you need a license to fish. Think about that. To get back to my point about judging, though, I find myself internally questioning other parents decisions all the time. Why do they let their kids sleep in their bed? Why doesn't that kid have a bed time? Why do they let the kid do this or that or whatever.... I'm quite sure they do it with me, too. I bet people wonder why my kid gets an M&M if he takes a whizz. Or why I don't just MAKE him eat his vegetables. And maybe we all do it because we're all aware that we have some shortcomings and it somehow makes us feel superior that we have some great epiphany about parenthood that our friend may not. In the end, if it works in my house or it works in your house....what the hell does anyone care? Unless I have to live in your house and deal with it, do whatever the hell you want. For real. I'm good. As long as your kids don't become serial killers, I think you're good.

No more Spanish: And so let's talk about grandparents for a second. I would like to know what that looks like exactly. Hubby and I have the lovely predicament that our Bam-Bam essentially has no grandparents. Oh, except the squeaky lady (my mom) who calls now occasionally from Tennessee and wants to pretend like she has a relationship with the kid when she barely sees him. Or wait, how about the old fart-deadbeat asshole that lives 20 minutes from our house and has seen our kid once in a year. Still, we have all kinds of cool Aunts and Uncles all around us. We don't need those wastes of space. I'm judging. Call me a hypocrite, but in this case they deserve the judgment. Trust me.

Five: I have decided that I am hopelessly addicted to Twitter, Facebook and all things involving the internet. Sometimes this is a good thing. Sometimes it really gets on my nerves. I guess it is better than being addicted to porn or black tar herion or something.

Alas, to go along with that last point I am afraid I must go. I am in the throes of assisting in planning a baby shower for my sister-in-law, which I want to be totally perfect for her. Wish me luck with that. I cringe at all of that flouncy chick stuff. But I am really, really trying. I hope it's a girl. That would really annoy my brother. Buwahahahaha!

If any of this made any sort of sense to you whatsoever and you care to comment, feel free. If not, I get it. I'm thinking it may not even make sense to me. Happy trails.