Saturday, October 31, 2009

Mommy Karma

So I posted before about being a working mom (and making no excuses for it and, by the way, damn proud of it)....but there are some things about being a working mom that are hard for people to understand. One of those is the fact that I, quite honestly and sincerely, want to do little else during my off time than be with my son and my husband. I know, boring. But that's just me. Mostly my friends who also have kids understand this but my single and childless friends struggle with the concept. And it's not that I blame them for not getting it and it's also not that I think they are all morons because they are single and/or childless. After all, I went a very long way in my life being childless. Bam-Bam wasn't born until I was almost 34 years old. So perhaps what I'm dealing with here is karma. Or whatever you call it.

This inspired me to share with you what I call my "Mommy Karma"....details of those things about being a Mommy that I never understood before and quite frankly that I judged without really understanding. It is for this reason that I try my best to reserve judgment of other mothers and fathers (unless they are blatantly neglectful or abusive) for fear of more wrath of Mommy Karma.

Here is a list of things I have learned from my own hard-headed past comments or thoughts that now bite me in the ass when I think of them:

"Why don't they just get a babysitter? How hard could that be?"

Now I know that it's very hard indeed. Especially if you don't have the luxury of Grandma and Grandpa (which we don't). You can't just leave your kid with someone off the street that you don't know. And now that I'm a mom, I cannot envision leaving my precious boy with some strange teenage kid that will be texting all night and not paying attention to my kid. We basically have one person that we really, truly trust with him and her time is limited. So, we prefer to take BB out with us whenever possible.

and to go along with that one....

"I don't see why having a 'no kids' policy is such a big deal."

Well, guess what, it is a big deal. My kid is my family. If you don't want him, you don't want me. I used to think people were ridiculous with this one. And it haunts me. I would always prefer to do anything when my child is invited. And quite honestly, if you're going to do something 'no kids'...well, I'm not really interested. As a working mom, that is my outlet. I rarely go out. Rarely. I don't want to. Once maybe every 3 months alone with my husband. And before you tell me that is unhealthy, remember that I have 40 hours a week at work away from him. I'm good. I don't need any more "me" time. So please don't be offended if I am not interested in doing a 'no kids' thing with you. It's not you, it's me.

"Why do you have to be so rigid about the kids bed time? Just let him stay up late once in a while. What's the big deal?"

Now I know that our little boy is very entrenched in his routine. He put himself on a schedule, practically from birth - from eating to sleeping and everything in between. Thank God for him being such an easy child. Not all kids are like this and maybe it is ok to deviate from the bed time (and we do a little from time to time) but the plain fact is that no matter how late the kid goes to bed, he wakes up at approximately the same time. Which means he is a CRAB all day due to lack of sleep. And that is a giant pain in the ass.

"How can you let your kid act like that at the store? What's wrong with you?"

Now I know that sometimes no matter how good a parent you are sometimes your kid is just going to embarrass the piss out of you. You WILL get those looks from all of those superior people - some who have kids and some who don't, and lots of old ladies who think you're one of those terrible permissive mothers that allows you child to walk all over you. Yeah, all of you people staring...I am smiling because I don't know what else to do. Get over it. Some day you'll get yours.

"Your kid would eat his vegetables if you just make him do it. I mean, who's the parent here?"

This is near and dear to my heart because I REALLY got Mommy Karma'd on this one. I have a kid that so abhors not just vegetables but most fruits. I have tried the method of just giving him what we eat and he is the most stubborn little shit alive. He will refuse beautiful, attractive foods like red pepper slices, lettuce, even peas and will only eat things that are pretty much white or very light in color. I have resorted to using the techniques of The Sneaky Chef and yeah, he mostly eats macaroni and cheese (with hidden cauliflower, naturally)....I make no apologies. It has helped a) make dinner time more pleasant and b) ensure that my child has a daily bowel movement. You simply cannot (at least not at age 2) force any food on your least not an extremely picky one. Only make it available (which we do and he still refuses almost every time). So, if you think you're better than me on this one - whatever - and in the immortal words of one of my favs, Miss Kathy Griffin...suck it!

Do you have a "Mommy Karma" moment to share?


  1. I have no mommy karma moments yet . . . oddly enough, I remember that people who brought children to nice restaurants used to make me LIVID, and every time we have taken the Bitlet to a nice restaurant she has behaved like a perfect angel (even after nearly 7 months), but I know that day is coming when I will either (a) have to give up the nice restaurants, or (b) become one of those parents who brings a kid to a nice restaurant who proceeds to disrupt mealtime for other diners. I'm sorry in advance.

  2. I totally get the whole no kids thing. My husband and I have the same policy, if you don't want our kids, sorry we probably aren't going...

  3. Same thing for me. If you don't like my kids then sorry but we just have to say goodbye to each other!

  4. Wow, I'm with you on every single one of these things and I'm a stay at home mom who had her kiddos at 26. Especially the babysitter thing. I just don't have it in me to leave my girls with anyone who is not family and even then I barely ask for childcare from them. Colin and I go out solo on average about 3 times per year and nobody really understands how we are okay with that - it's good to know that somebody out there understands that it's okay with us.

    And the routine - we've also had our girls on a routine since birth and there is very little leeway. It works for them and us but often makes us look like sticks in the mud.

    Oh well.

  5. I had my son at 26, before most of my friends did, and I can relate to a lot if these comments!

  6. The babysitter one is a HUGE one for me! And we have grandparents- well, my parents- who help us a TON! My friends- even the ones with kids- say this to us constantly.
    We don't like to "overuse" my parents because it's not their job to watch our children. Hiring a babysitter is EXPENSIVE and if we're going out somewhere, we're already spending money to actually go out and then add in 4plus hours of sitter pay...It's half a mortgage payment.
    Then take into account finding someone you trust enough to not go through your house while also entertaining and keeping your children safe. It's a pain in the ass to find a babysitter.

    So, no, I'm sorry finding a babysitter is just not that simple but maybe if you didn't have your no kids policy I could just bring my children along because really if you want to be my friend you need to accept my children, too!

    Phew....that was a rant...sorry!

    GREAT post!! :)

  7. Loved it! My biggest regret now is that I actually had a "no kids" policy for our wedding... There was only one couple who had kids and they didn't show up for the ceremony, just the party later that night. Now I know why. I feel like such a jerk!