Thursday, October 15, 2009

Yes, I am a working mom....

I was inspired by something Melissa said on Rock & Drool about someone she knows who was on Dr. Phil and was a voice for the SAHM's out there (for the record, I also checked out this woman's blog). I would like to throw my voice out there as the voice of the working mom. What's the saying? Fair and balanced. Anyway, let me begin by saying that I did not see the episode of Dr. Phil and have no idea about the content but have some idea after looking at Jessica's blog. This is just a topic that has been near and dear for a while that I have meant to discuss and didn't think to do it before now.

So, yes, I am a working mom. I am a career woman. I enjoy my job. And you know what - I probably don't HAVE to work. I could cut corners and not work. But I want to. And I don't have fancy cars or a fancy house or huge bills to pay, though we would be scraping a bit if I didn't work as I make more money than my dear, underpaid government lawyer husband. I have a career. My kid goes to day care every single day. And I like that he goes there, though I do miss him and it's not always easy. And, don't get me wrong, if I became independently wealthy tomorrow, I would probably drop everything and stay home with him and go on lots of fun vacations and do lots of things. But I'm not independently wealthy....and I am not suggesting that SAHM's are even remotely in that position. The thing is, I like my job. I like going to work each day. I like knowing that Bam-Bam is socializing with other kids, learning lots of things that I would never think to teach him. I think he gets great value from day care. And NO, I am not saying that out of guilt. I actually do really believe that. And that is my right.

I also realize that there would be great advantages to having Bam-Bam stay at home with me. I get that. More time for bonding. Being there for certain milestones, etc....Here's the part I don't get....why, why, why do some mothers find it necessary to belittle other mothers for not doing what they do? What is up with these Nazi SAHM's who think that they are so superior to working moms? That somehow we aren't like REAL moms...that we just live this life of luxury (which so off base!). Conversely, why are there working mom's who think that SAHM's just sit on their asses all day watching their "stories" and are bored, sad little creatures?

Let me tell all you ladies something - get off your fuckin' high horses. All of you! On both sides. Not one of you is better than me and I'm not better than you. Not any one of us is more or less of a mother than the other. Maybe what we should really be doing is supporting each other as mothers and women. Maybe we should acknowledge that we both have a difficult job to do as mom's. That is, raising our kids the best damn way we know how.

I do not lead a life of leisure or luxury. I work hard. Really hard. So do you. I think the last thing that either of us needs is to be judged for what we do or don't do. And then I wonder to myself - why do some people find it so necessary to be judgmental? If they were really secure in what they're doing and didn't need validation that it's right, well, then they wouldn't have to put others down in the first place. Just my take. And, yes, I've had therapy before. That's why I use fancy words like validation.

So, all you bitches out there....get a grip. Stop acting like bitches and support your fellow women. None of us sees what anyone else is doing in their homes day in and day out. And we should not judge each other or say that each others kids are getting messed up for one reason or another. I'm not going to sit here and justify what I do by telling you all of the hard work that I do. That's not the point and I don't really care if you agree with my choices or not. The point is, why can't we all just learn to appreciate each other and stop judging each other. And, ok, I'll stop calling you bitches.


  1. I was just about to tell you how effectively you made your point, until I started reading the references to "bitches." Then I read all the way to the end . . . . Well played. Oh, and I work outside the home, too. And I LOVE IT.

  2. Just keeping it real...I admittedly have a potty mouth that won't quit and continues when I write, apparently. BTW, I only think people are bitches when they're mean. Thanks for stopping by and welcome to my world.

  3. WOW! Intense one there Mommy.

    But I agree you, I don't understand the need to bash each other out just to prove a point. I guess some people's head are just so stuck up in their own arse's that they can't see beyond their infinitely small world.

    Just my 2 cents.

  4. I know, Brenda...I got SO intense for a minute there! I'm smoothing my skirt right now. Ok, so I can be pretty mild mannered but on this topic I am passionate. I think it's just an extension of that high school clique bull shit, only then it was the cheerleaders versus the band geeks. I don't like all of that conflict and finger-pointing. It's just mean.

  5. You took the words right out of my mouth.

    I am so tired of being told that I'm a part time parent. I am tired of people saying that I HAVE to work. I am tired of people asking me if I have guilt for leaving my kids at daycare or missing things in their lives. I don't ask stay at home parents if they miss having co-workers that make their wonderfully fun. I don't ask stay at home parents if they miss the paycheck every two weeks. I don't try to make stay at home parents feel guilty for not contributing financially to their households.

    I CHOOSE to work for MANY different reasons. I ADORE my job. I ADORE my children more.

    Stay at home parents CHOOSE to stay home for MANY different reasons. I respect that.

    WHY can't we just respect one another and our choices and not make the other feel bad?!?!

    This is turning into a post in and of itself.....sorry!

    AWESOME POST! Perfectly said and sometimes we do deserve to be called bitches because that's how we act towards one another!!!

  6. OK, three things:

    1. I was NEVER against the band geeks, even if I was a cheerleader.

    2. If you suddenly became independently wealthy, you so would NOT go on tons of vacations. Hello??? You hate to travel!! (But you could send me on some and I wouldn't complain.)

    3. I was a SAHM for 14 years. I loved it, and wouldn't trade it for the world. I loved it because it was the right choice for ME. You are a working mom. It is the right choice for YOU. I have never once questioned your choice to work and send Bam Bam to the evil day care. Have you ever once questioned my choice to be a SAHM? You're right...women need to give other women a break and just support them no matter what. Preach it, Sistah!


  7. Stella, I'm with you...and I get tired of the assumption that (oh, poor thing...she has to do this) when the reality is that I probably don't HAVE to. I also think it teaches my son something about what to expect in the world. And that women can do lots of things and can make lots of choices - including choosing to stay home or choosing to have a career. Women CAN do anything. I had a neglectful mother, a real one. I would never put me or you in that category. Never.

    Bunchy, what can I say, I love you, girl. Never once have you been one of those Nazi SAHM's. And I have never once questioned your decision to be a SAHM. Honestly, I didn't even really think about it. It was just something that was part of you. And you have always just accepted me for who I am. And, ok, you were a cheerleader...but you were a different breed. Always have been, always will be. You're one of the good ones. I will clarify also that if I became independently wealthy I would likely be on one, long extended staycation. And would, naturally, send my best friends (like you) on fabulous European vacations. Duh...I totally meant to say that.

    All I can say is - poor Bam Bam. Mean mommmy works and leaves him with total strangers that are evil and teach him terrible things. What-ev. LOL!

  8. excellent post.

    i've done it all. the sahm, the full-time career woman with the kids in daycare, the part-time career woman with kids in daycare, the weekend-only career woman - the girls home with dad. i've done it all, loved it all at times and despised it all at times. now i'm back to sahm for a year until the girls start kindergarten then i hope to go back to school myself.

    there are two things we, as humans, have rights to for sure: choice and opinion. i choose to stay home. my opinion is that life is a lot more peaceful and healthy when free of early wake-ups, frantic rushing around, expensive lunches full of pre-package and convience foods or eating out (me), frequent illness and missed work during the winter months at the learning centre, the commute to the city, the quick unhealthy dinners and having only 2 hours a day with the girls during the week and spending all of my hours at night preparing for the next day and keeping up with chores. my entire family is more balanced with me being home and my own mental health has changed dramatically now that i have time to take care of me << MY opinion.

    being a stay-at-home mom works for me, it works for my family, but just because it works the best for us, doesn't mean it'll work for all. like i said, i've done everything and there was a time when working full-time did work best.

    i see nothing wrong with opinions but you lose my respect instantly when you abuse that right or, rather than having your own opinion, pick a bandwagon and jump on because it's the cool thing to do today.

    a civil debate in the mommy blogging world would be epic, however, i think that's asking for too much which is the reason i read only 10 or so mommy blogs out of 200 subscriptions i have in my reader. mama drama ... i've deleted about 20 blogs from my blog roll in the last year because of it.

    this was a good post though. i enjoyed it.

  9. Oh Huckdoll, my dear...I used to wonder what the heck you were talking about. I was naive to the realities of the type of nastiness going on out there in bloggy world. So, I've obviously been getting around and reading more. I think I will just shelter myself again and pretend things are sweet and pretty. Now I know what you were talking about. Thanks for sticking with me. I promise you, one thing I will never do is harm someone with my words, at least never intentionally. I believe it's much more important to lift people up....especially my fellow women. XO, love ya, Huckdolly.